Friday, July 31, 2009

10 Years




Wow.... I can't believe that I wrote this song 10 years ago... What the heck?! Even more crazy, I can't believe my dad has been gone 10 years, tomorrow to be exact. It's very surreal, because in some ways it feels a lot longer that he's been gone, but in others I swear I just was sitting in his lap yesterday. Here are a FEW of the very amazing memories I have of my daddy:

I remember when I was young my dad and I would have a ‘daddy date’ every Saturday. We would usually go to the county park and do some rock climbing or hiking. Then we would head into town for some ice cream. It was so great. It made me feel so happy and loved by him. I loved that it was just time for the 2 of us and it was our special thing.

When the weather started getting warm my dad, my best friend and I would walk to church on Sundays. We would usually all hold hands while we walked down the road. Usually any people we knew driving to church would honk or stop and say hello. My dad would usually be whistling and Anna and I loved to sing. It was just so peaceful and a great way to spend time together.

When I played soccer my dad would always write up game summaries and submit them to our town’s local newspaper. He did this every week. He had such a talent for writing and making things seem very exciting. I always thought it was so cool that every week my name was in the paper! It’s so neat to know how much he loved me by doing that. He always did what he could to make my brother and me happy.

My dad, brother and I used to play catch after he'd get home from work while my mom was making dinner. I remember when he bought me my first baseball glove, I was so excited! I actually still have it and I can't believe how little it is! I always thought I was so good at playing catch because I could catch the "fast" balls that my dad would throw at me. I thought for sure I was as good as my brother, who is 4 1/2 years older than me :0)

Everyone loved my dad. I honestly can't say I k
now of one person who didn't like him. A friend recently told me that her fiance had told her that Mr. Nysse was THE nicest man ever. It's true too. He almost seems like a dream, like "How can someone that amazing even exist?" kinda dream. My fear growing up was that I was going to forget him. I was so worried that as time passed I would just get used to him being gone and eventually not remember what it was like to have him around. But in the past 10 years, I have not forgotten him one bit. Sure, some details are a little fuzzy, but I know when I smell motor oil or anything that has to do with car maintenance, it reminds me of my dad. Or any guy who has permanently dirty finger nails :0)

It's weird to try and imagine what life would be like if he was still here. I can't really picture it. I know things would be WAY different for my entire family, but for better or worse I can't say. I would most likely not be in MD which is weird to think about. I tend to try and not think about these things because I don't see a point. I'm glad I can finally be at a point in my life where I am okay with things the way they are, and I know that I am a stronger person having gone what I've been though.

I wish that I could remember what I was doing this night, 10 years ago. Of course I remember what happened the next day like it just happened. I can recall most of what happened that day in a second. Sometimes I wish I couldn't because it sucks.

I could probably ramble on all night about my dad, and memories, and things I wish I had or had not done. I'm thankful for the people that God has brought into my life to help me through such a tragedy. I ca
n only hope that people will remember me like they remember my dad.



Thursday, July 30, 2009

Backyard Swimming

So we got an inflatable pool for the backyard for the days I don't feel like driving 20 minutes and packing up all the crap it takes to go to the big pool :0) And today was one of those days, and also Deacon was over and I didn't have the SUV to truck around 3 kids. So, we did this instead and the kids had a blast! They were so funny to watch with the sprinklers. It was a perfect day for water too. Not super scorching hot, but hot enough that the water felt really good. So we spent about 2 hours outside before lunch time.

I'm hoping for a good, long nap for all of them, especially Jack. He is still suffering from post-vacation syndrome and is not adjusting well at all. Every morning this week he has been super weepy and emotional. The first 2 days I felt for him, but now my patience is running out. Trying to get through breakfast every day with tears and a melt down is not how I like to start out day. He gets better throughout the day but usually after nap it surfaces again! Although this morning he woke up earlier so maybe he'll be tired enough and just sleep out his attitude! I just really hope by next week he is back to his normal self. But I can't blame him either, I'd much rather still be at the beach haha. I think I'm still on Ca time a little bit. I haven't been getting tired until really late, which makes 6 am come REALLY fast when I have to wake up. But I'm adjusting, well mainly because I have no choice.






By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life


Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

~Tenth Avenue North

Oooooh I am OBSESSED with this song right now. And it's really coming at just the right time in my life. I love it when a specific song can just rock you, ya know? Why am I still searching for things that can make me happy, or feel loved? Why do I keep hoping that worldly things or people can fill me in the way I that I need? Why do I always put so much faith in people when they only fail me? I need to constantly remember that only God is enough, and only God can fill me in the ways that I need, and God WILL NOT fail me. Yet, for some reason I still fight His hands that are holding me. My prayer is that I can learn to trust God enough to let him be my everything.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

10 Days

So is it weird that I am nervous to leave Jack and Izzie for 10 days, even though they are going to be with their parents?!!!! I mean it seems a bit silly to me but on some level is seems normal to feel that way. We spend practically all day together for every weekday. I know the things they like to eat and don't like, I know our little inside jokes, I can understand Isabelle more than anyone else, and Jack is the best behaved when he is with me. So to leave them for 10 days absolutely terrifies me lol. I know they'll be fine, but I'm going to miss them so much. I'm going to miss my snuggle time with Izzie after she wakes up from her nap, I'm going to miss singing in the car with Jack, and I'm going to just miss hanging out with them. It's going to be nice to have a break but I'm sure after the first couple of days wear of I'll be ready to see them again. Right now I'm in such a state of exhaustion and being overwhelmed that all I can really think about is getting on that airplane, at 5:40 am, and going to SLEEP!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!!!


Oh I just wish Friday would come a lot faster than it is.... This week seems to be dragging like none other. And that's always how it goes. This week takes forever and my 10 days in Ca will FLY. So not fair. However fast my trip does go, does not make my excitement any less present. I CANNOT wait for a vacation. It's going to be so great seeing everyone again and meeting some new babies, YAY! It's always bizarre going back to Idyllwild though. The town stays the same, and most of the people do but there is always something that shocks me while I'm there. I wonder what it will be this time. It's been 7 months since I've been there last. My days are filling up quickly and I just hope that I can spend enough time with the people that I really want to see. I hope that there is no drama with anyone, and I hope I have fun.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Terrible two's



The terrible two's are quickly approaching with my little Isabelle, and she's only 19 months! Sadly more and more of her sweet moments are being replaced by dirty looks and mild tantrums. She seems to think that the appropriate response to me telling her no is to throw whatever she is holding and then proceed to hit herself... I have to be honest and say that sometimes it's really hard not to laugh at her. Because it's just so funny watching this little girl hit herself because she's mad at me! However cute it may be, the time out chair is being used much more often now-a-days. But other than her more frequent meltdowns Izzie is quite the girl. Her vocabulary is crazy and she is hilarious. I love her kisses and snuggles and hope she keeps on being such a lover.

And Mr. Jack turned 3 last week! I'm awaiting the terrible three's from him but so far he is his normal self. Normal meaning uber energetic, and a little spastic but that's just how I love him. If you ask me he's turning into quite the little gentleman. I hope he stays that way. He is also becoming much more self efficient which is GREAT news for me. The fact that he's been potty trained for about 7 months now still amazes me. And he's finally gotten the hang of pulling up and down his pants to go by himself! Next task to tackle- wiping. Maybe we'll wait on that for a few more months :0)

I love my job. I honestly don't know what I would do without these kids in my life. I spend 50+ hours a week with them and they just make life so fun and never dull.

Thanks Bess

So I'd like to dedicate this post to my dear, dear friend Bess. If it was not for her this blog would have remained forgotten about and I would still have no idea that I even started a blog, over a year ago. So Bess, thank you again for reminding me that I do indeed, have a blog :0) Now hopefully I can maintain this blog and fill you in on all my amazing adventures, okay well maybe not amazing but my life can be somewhat entertaining. So now I will play around with this blog thing and try to understand what on earth I am doing.....