I'm never too old to want my Mommy!

So I'm super sick today, well mostly last night, but now I'm just really weak and helpless :0( I remember the first time I got sick after I moved to MD. The only thing I wanted was my mom, and I'm having that same feeling today. I have no food at my house, well nothing that's mine. I'm pretty sure going to the store will be a bit much for me to handle. I'm hoping my BFF will come to my rescue soon and bring me some soup, crackers, and sprite. I don't think I'm going to throw up again, thankfully, but not so sure about the other end of things. I'm bummed I have to miss work today and probably Bible study tonight too. Being sick sucks, especially with no one to take care of you. So I'm just laying on the couch, sipping Coke Zero, and trying not to think about feeling gross. I'm just glad the worst seems to be over with. All I wanted to do last night was die. Oh, and I missed my first night of class last night too. Great way to start out the semester. I did go to school though to talk to the teacher and get the papers and stuff that I needed. So I think that was smart. Ok, off to rest now.

Because she's cute

Rainy Days and Playdough

I was really bummed when I woke up this morning to the sound of rain. Now in general I love the rain. But with 3 little ones, not so much... I really wanted to get out the backyard pool again today for them and let them run their energy out! But that didn't happen. Our morning was a typical morning until Jack went all bipolar on me. We were having breakfast and he was telling me about his cousin's birthday party and then out of no where he starts sobbing. It was SO weird. I couldn't calm him down for the life of me. Eventually I put him in bed and he fell asleep. I wanted to let him sleep for a long time but then our whole day would have been out of whack so I let him sleep for 30 min. And after he woke up he was totally fine. I guess too much birthday excitement for him last night.

We then decided on some playdough time. I love playdough, and I really love the smell of it. I think it brings back memories of being little :0) Playdough is great because it really doesn't make that much a mess, at least not with my kids. And they played HAPPILY for almost an hour and a half! Bliss. We don't do playdough stuff very much so they still get excited when we get to do it. They played in the basement for awhile until lunch and now the house is finally peaceful. Time for my nap too I think!

Song Lyrics

Well 12 years just doesn't seem long,
To a little girl who's daddy's gone.
Although it's tough I've gotta stay strong,.
Although it's rough I've gotta hang on

To her he meant the world,
But what can I say?
She was daddy's little girl.

He once was here but now he's not,
But rest assured he's not forgot.
And even though I miss him a lot,
I think of him more often than not.

To her he meant the world,
But what can I say?
She was daddy's little girl.

And as I watched them drive away,
The only thing I did was pray.
God please let daddy be okay,
I'll do anything so he can stay.

To her he meant the world,
But what can I say?
She was daddy's little girl.

Mama please don't cry,
God wouldn't let daddy die.
So wipe the teardrops from your eye,
Somehow we're gonna get by.

To me he meant the world,
But what can I say?
I am daddy's little girl.

Well 12 years just doesn't seem long,
To a little girl who's daddy's gone.
Mama please don't cry,
Even though daddy died.

10 Years

Wow.... I can't believe that I wrote this song 10 years ago... What the heck?! Even more crazy, I can't believe my dad has been gone 10 years, tomorrow to be exact. It's very surreal, because in some ways it feels a lot longer that he's been gone, but in others I swear I just was sitting in his lap yesterday. Here are a FEW of the very amazing memories I have of my daddy:

I remember when I was young my dad and I would have a ‘daddy date’ every Saturday. We would usually go to the county park and do some rock climbing or hiking. Then we would head into town for some ice cream. It was so great. It made me feel so happy and loved by him. I loved that it was just time for the 2 of us and it was our special thing.

When the weather started getting warm my dad, my best friend and I would walk to church on Sundays. We would usually all hold hands while we walked down the road. Usually any people we knew driving to church would honk or stop and say hello. My dad would usually be whistling and Anna and I loved to sing. It was just so peaceful and a great way to spend time together.

When I played soccer my dad would always write up game summaries and submit them to our town’s local newspaper. He did this every week. He had such a talent for writing and making things seem very exciting. I always thought it was so cool that every week my name was in the paper! It’s so neat to know how much he loved me by doing that. He always did what he could to make my brother and me happy.

My dad, brother and I used to play catch after he'd get home from work while my mom was making dinner. I remember when he bought me my first baseball glove, I was so excited! I actually still have it and I can't believe how little it is! I always thought I was so good at playing catch because I could catch the "fast" balls that my dad would throw at me. I thought for sure I was as good as my brother, who is 4 1/2 years older than me :0)

Everyone loved my dad. I honestly can't say I know of one person who didn't like him. A friend recently told me that her fiance had told her that Mr. Nysse was THE nicest man ever. It's true too. He almost seems like a dream, like "How can someone that amazing even exist?" kinda dream. My fear growing up was that I was going to forget him. I was so worried that as time passed I would just get used to him being gone and eventually not remember what it was like to have him around. But in the past 10 years, I have not forgotten him one bit. Sure, some details are a little fuzzy, but I know when I smell motor oil or anything that has to do with car maintenance, it reminds me of my dad. Or any guy who has permanently dirty finger nails :0)

It's weird to try and imagine what life would be like if he was still here. I can't really picture it. I know things would be WAY different for my entire family, but for better or worse I can't say. I would most likely not be in MD which is weird to think about. I tend to try and not think about these things because I don't see a point. I'm glad I can finally be at a point in my life where I am okay with things the way they are, and I know that I am a stronger person having gone what I've been though.

I wish that I could remember what I was doing this night, 10 years ago. Of course I remember what happened the next day like it just happened. I can recall most of what happened that day in a second. Sometimes I wish I couldn't because it sucks.

I could probably ramble on all night about my dad, and memories, and things I wish I had or had not done. I'm thankful for the people that God has brought into my life to help me through such a tragedy. I can only hope that people will remember me like they remember my dad.

Backyard Swimming

So we got an inflatable pool for the backyard for the days I don't feel like driving 20 minutes and packing up all the crap it takes to go to the big pool :0) And today was one of those days, and also Deacon was over and I didn't have the SUV to truck around 3 kids. So, we did this instead and the kids had a blast! They were so funny to watch with the sprinklers. It was a perfect day for water too. Not super scorching hot, but hot enough that the water felt really good. So we spent about 2 hours outside before lunch time.

I'm hoping for a good, long nap for all of them, especially Jack. He is still suffering from post-vacation syndrome and is not adjusting well at all. Every morning this week he has been super weepy and emotional. The first 2 days I felt for him, but now my patience is running out. Trying to get through breakfast every day with tears and a melt down is not how I like to start out day. He gets better throughout the day but usually after nap it surfaces again! Although this morning he woke up earlier so maybe he'll be tired enough and just sleep out his attitude! I just really hope by next week he is back to his normal self. But I can't blame him either, I'd much rather still be at the beach haha. I think I'm still on Ca time a little bit. I haven't been getting tired until really late, which makes 6 am come REALLY fast when I have to wake up. But I'm adjusting, well mainly because I have no choice.